How Do You Know You are Engaging in Substance Abuse? Staying with a dependence can be one of the most difficult things a person could ever encounter.
I went through a phase of unending apprehension, desolation and mental disturbance; during this phase, I felt tortured but then my breakthrough came, I got back on my feet and became the captain of my ship. During that dark period, I felt lost to outside world and cared less about anything.
The worries never died, haunted me to sleep and everywhere I went, whatever I did.
All of my worries and troubles muddled up all of a sudden and disappeared throughout that intense feeling of fake happiness and blissfulness that eventually lead to my darkest hour.
One of the most difficult phases of my dependence were the first few months before really going into therapy. My self-denial of my addiction had me disoriented while seeking means of making what is morally wrong seem right till the day it dawned on me I had lost everyone who made me happy, my aspirations and everything I valued.
Here Are 6 Signs That Opened My Eyes To Give Me A Chance To Perceive How I Lost Control Of My Life
Everyday feels just the same, no joy, only darkness.
When I was a strong user, what or how much of it I took means nothing, life would still remain how it had been. There was a bleak feeling within me which overwhelmed my senses thereby holding me stagnant. Everything appeared to be hopeless and the guilt I began to feel could only be likened to the frustration I knew I was bringing on my loved ones. Everything appeared to be hopeless and the guilt I began to feel could only be likened to the frustration I knew I was bringing on my loved ones. Everything in my life was telling me that I was the worst person for letting down everyone who cared about me, that I have made the worst mistakes over and over again. It was a ceaseless cycle where gloom and uneasiness passed the ball onto each other's court and my exclusive way out was to expand the sum I was utilizing. By using it over and over again, I hit the bottom of depression and I felt like I could not crawl my way out, I was so hopeless in the darkest place to be. At this point, the verbosity and the depression in life became such a heavy load that even in spite of the fact that I was taking to avoid, it was just driving me harder into dependence.
All the things you pay attention to fades out till you miss it
I appreciate the people who stood by me when I was deep in substance abuse. Many others couldn't withstand it any longer and left for good because they could simply not comprehend how much my dependence functioned. Because of the lowest point I hit, I lost some people that actually cared about me and wanted to help me going through hard times, I just made them leave. It was like my addiction had hands that closed my eyes to see the reality. I skipped work because I just could not and would not go. I skipped over on dates and meetings with allies and blood ties because I couldn't handle Bing sober for a long duration. The only thing which made my life seem meaningful was the one thing which caused my disillusion such that everything I held dearly vanished.
You become a puppet to drugs.
Self-motivation was not my strength. When I was utilizing, I cant even recall how many occasions I told myself it was the final time. I always wanted to take more of the substance during such times as a sign of my quitting the drug use. Dejection and verbosity took over and I could no more confront anyone or look at people face to face without feeling remorse. I hid in my room all the time, disregarding every other duty. The bills were heaping, I could only stared at them. Sometimes I got calls persistently which I never responded to; it was an open secret that something was amiss with me yet my ego prevented me from confirming the affirmative. I was a puppet with no idea how my strings were pulled. Not even the time, place or even the quantity I took.
You use lies as shields for your problems
This was probably the thing that made things more severe than what they could've been. My fear of being criticized or driven out made me fib very often that in the end, it was more or less difficult to follow up all the things I had fabricated in order to be able to gratify my habit. I was adopting money from allies and family, never being in a capable to offer it in return. Addiction destroyed my life in every aspects, it took away my money, my health, and my relieved feelings. I never cherished my body rather I violated it. I began to starve myself, paid no attention to how I look and then a severe form of emaciation set in, and since everyone was aware I was facing difficult situations they tried to assist me in any form, rather my lies kept them at bay. It creates a yet even larger and greater barrier between me and myself. I consistently and with vigour continued to lie to myself about the so many reasons why I should stay addicted.
You pursue getting intoxicated so as to prevent withdrawal
Withdrawal is one of the baddest things a dependent can undergo. The anxiety and all those different emotions that enable all things feel like hell is something that I needed to get as distant as I could. I was utilizing to never lose that high feeling since I realized what came after and I couldn't manage it. It's such a strong and extreme condition that you feel like it's the only solution is by taking more and more frequently. And because of the fact that the more I take it, the higher the tolerance I developed, it became worse with time.
Nothing else is of importance
After all the justifiable reasons were said. I isolated myself from everyone even those who cared. Every one of my feelings of dread turned out to be valid and I no longer thought about whatever else other than being high. I pushed everybody out of my life and just a couple sat tight outside for the chance to emerge where they could return and help me. I seriously cared about nothing else other than being high, this addiction almost killed me. My supervisor fired me, my colleagues quit calling, the greater part of my family gradually surrendered and attempted to turn the page.
At this point, words from those I loved the most began to beat inside my head. When I thought all the things were lost, when I thought I had hit the end, I noted I required assistance and there were enough all over to aid me get out of that gloom and darkness I had got into.
The bad experience of addiction was something I would never want to get into again, it was probably as worse for my family and friends beside me, we buried the history deep down. If only me and my family understood better about addiction and to handle it, I know it could be an easier process for everyone, so I hope it would be better for everyone else out there. As things were moving out of control, those that constantly supported me were paying attention to all these signs that I could not see from the start.
I was saved by my loving and patient family and friends.
I believed all the things were lost but at last, I went through a recuperation procedure that opened my eyes to a fresh jovial healthy life, where I haven't disregarded my past but I pardoned myself for what I did and requested for forgiveness without dishonour. It was intense, I won't lie, yet I'm truly glad that I wasn't the only one and that despite everything I have individuals who had faith in me until I was back on track.
Identifying these signs can bring a significant change into the life of a user, allowing them to understand that you still care irrespective of how sore things may turn out can be what will eventually light up the path to sobriety.